Cohabitation versus Marriage? Debate with the Danielle's!

Welcome to Week 52
of
Friendly Debates With The Danielle’s!

 

 

Ooooh I am so so late with this post! A week late, in fact! My computer totally crashed and died about two weeks ago and I've had a friend fixing it for over a week now. I can't believe I missed our 1 year anniversary post! YES! It's been a whole year that Danielle and I have been doing this "Friendly Debates with the Danielle's" - how cool is that?!?

 

 

Each Week Danielle from "Happenings of the Harper Household" and I (Danielle) will host this awesome meme and we would love for you to link up and join us.  

There will be a question each week that will require you to decide where you stand regarding that topic, then of course share those thoughts with the world!

 

RULES:

1.) Please follow the hosts via Facebook: Danielle B. & Danielle H.
2.) If you link up please leave a comment so we can visit you.
3.) This is a meme, so you MUST answer the question in a blog post.
4.) Link directly to the blog post in which you answer the question.
5.) Grab the button and place either in your post or on your blog.
(You can find the html code in my right side bar).
6.) At the end of your post leave a suggestion for the following weeks topic.

If we choose your suggestion you will be mentioned and linked to in the following weeks post.

AND THE MOST IMPORTANT RULE: Please respect each others opinions. This means no bashing of other bloggers in comments on their posts. Kind words and genuine questions are encouraged. If you strongly disagree with someone else the place to address your view point is in a post on your own blog. If we find that you have blatantly disregarded this you will be removed from the linky.

THIS WEEKS TOPIC  

 Cohabitation versus Marriage?

Yay or Nay?
What do YOU say?
  MY OPINION?
Not sure. Nay. I think.

I ALWAYS had a strong opinion about this before my divorce. I thought the smartest thing in the world was to live together before marriage so you really knew each other. And I'm talking about all the little things. Like... the personal stuff that might drive you crazy. For example, the way he cleans or doesn't clean. Does he NEVER clean the food out of the sink when he washes dishes? Or does he leave his hair clippings on the bathroom sink when he's done shaving? Does he leave his socks in the living room EVER NIGHT? Or maybe he farts a lot in the middle of the night. Or.... maybe he expects too much out of you because his mother took care of EVERYTHING for him? I don't know - all these little personal things... You HAVE TO know these things BEFORE you get married and what better way to know?!? Live together, right?!?

 

I'm just not so sure anymore though. Now-a-days I am leaning more towards 'no' on this topic.

 

When I was almost 19 years old, I moved out and into my first house with my boyfriend. We had already been dating for over a year. We lived together for about 2 years and got engaged. Engaged for a year and then married. We divorced 5 years later when I was 28 years old. Now looking back, living together did nothing for us. Nothing.

 

Now skip ahead to my marriage to Mike.

 

The 2003-2004 school year, I had just gone through a nasty divorce and wanted nothing to do with men. At all. Mike and I worked together for the whole school year and he bothered me (flirted with me) the whole time. Towards the end of the school year we finally started going out for coffee every day on our breaks and got to know each other better. We obviously fell in love and were inseparable instantly.

 

Since just getting divorced, I was getting rid of my house and in the mean time, moving in with my mom and step-dad as soon as school ended (first week in June). Mike helped me move. While living with my mom, Mike and I decided we were not going to 'play around'. It was "all or nothing". We were both at a point in our lives where we did not want to "play house". He had just lost his 3 year old daughter and I had just gone through a divorce. We got married at his church (our church) on June 26, 2004. His step-mom married us (she was the co-pastor, with his dad being the pastor).

 

We had just made this decision on June 23rd... went and got our marriage license... and the next day I was His and He was Mine.

 

 

 

 

I was still living with my mom.

 

We (as a large blended family) did not find an apartment until August 15th! We were married, living separately, for a month and a half! This was one of the hardest things I have EVER done! It killed both of us to have to say goodbye every night. Of course this is because we did not tell my mom that we were married (a whole other story).

 

Mike and I are perfect for each other. My original theory holds no water. It's either meant to be or it's not. Living together will probably not matter at all.

 

 

The other opinion I have on this is the whole "living in sin" topic. I know that offends a lot of people and I do not mean for it to. But Mike (back when we were having the marriage talk in 2004) could not live with me. He felt too much conviction about it. Now I understand because I am closer to God. Back then I was a new Christian and did not see it as very important in our decision making. Now, I do understand what God's Word says about sexual relations outside of marriage and I do feel we should be married before sex and before living together. Did that happen? Of course not. And how often does that really happen? Probably not very often... but I do believe that is His way and we just do not listen. I do teach my kids the way God wants us to live and of course I hope they chose His way. Will they? Probably not, but I can only do my best to inform them, right?

 

 

What do you think about cohabitation versus marriage? Is living together before marriage the best way to do it? Is living together forever, with no marriage okay with you? Or is marriage the only way to go?

Yay or Nay… What do YOU say?

I'd say 'link up' - but I am a week late posting this... so just give me your opinion! I'd love to hear what you think! 

If you get a chance, visit my other Friendly Debates with the Danielle's posts!